oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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