our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize