I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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