Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
