When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Randomize
