Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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