i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My ass is underappreciated
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
