saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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