Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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