I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
