Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
