This is not my ceiling
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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