oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
