Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
