I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
