I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
