so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize