peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i think my cat just said my name.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
