You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
