OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize