I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and she was petting her beer can
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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