That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
