awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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