It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
