There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
