As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
