drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize