There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
