i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
