So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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