Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
