I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
