Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
