The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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