Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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