There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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