C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize