Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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