I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
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