I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
