I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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