I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
