remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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