My balls are so social today.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
