New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
