he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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