It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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