Please, let me fuck your mom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
