I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
