Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize