A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
