It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
