if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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