Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
