...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
