I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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