OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
