I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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