Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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