when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize