I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
nutella sex= disaster
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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