my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize