I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
