you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
