Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you had me at cake vodka
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
