Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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