She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
