Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
