I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
