Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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