I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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