Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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