So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
