my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize