The brown eye won't let me do that either.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
