I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you didnt know i had herpes?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
