Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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