just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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