they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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