she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
