I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
