Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
