he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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