Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
