New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
