Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
