LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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