I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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