i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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