So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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