You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
