if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
