All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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