You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
