im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
honey bunches of taint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
