She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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