My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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