I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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