i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
