I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
