dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
