She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
