There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
