Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize