Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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