One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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