Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
