She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize