does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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