Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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