wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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